Esquire has a new interview with George Clooney and it's so fun to read that I would recommend you buy the magazine. The interview involves the journalist showing Clooney some of the many web sites and comments about him online, and his responses are priceless. He comes across as unbothered and rather amused by the criticism and wild stories on the Internet.
At one point author A.J. Jacobs shows Clooney a Facebook group called "George Clooney is NOT the sexiest man alive"
"Ninety-four members," says Clooney as he looks at the photo of himself with a red X through it. "What the fuck?"
He reads the site's manifesto aloud:
Ok so i for one am sick and tired of George Clooney thinking hes the sexiest man alive, like jesus hes so old!Its just not right. That man is so full of himself it isnt funny. Anyways join this group if you totally agree with me =)
"Should I defend myself in this one?"
Clooney dictates and I type:
That's bullshit. He looks great for a 70-year-old.
[From Esquire, print edition, April, 2008]
I checked and that comment by Jacobs is actually on that Facebook group.
The George Clooney plastic surgery story prompts Clooney to explain that when he made the joke to Julia Roberts on Oprah that "I got my eyes done, what do you think?" it got widely disseminated and printed as truth. He said that "They used to say you can't make a joke in print, but you can get away with it on film. But now you can't get away with it there."
As for what he will admit to, he jokes "I did get my balls done, though. I got them unwrinkled. It's the new thing in Hollywood - ball ironing."
Clooney says he doesn't have hair plugs as is rumored and that his hair is growing too fast in the front, which is why people might get that impression. He insisted that Jacobs feel the stubble growing at the front of his hairline, which he has to shave regularly.
Jacobs shows Clooney fan fiction featuring his character from ER, Doug Ross, getting it on with Juliana Margulies' character in a hot tub and he quips "I think this was actually taken out of Bill O'Reilly's novel." (O'Reilly wrote a 2004 thriller called Those Who Trespess which had similar soft core passages.)
Clooney addresses those pesky rumors that he's gay with his typical tongue-in-check response. The journalist shows him the a bulletin board, (which is now unavailable) called "George Clooney is GAY GAY GAY" and Clooney says "No. I'm gay, gay. The third gay - that was pushing it."
The best moment comes at the end of the interview when Jacobs asks him if he's seen that "2 Girls 1 Cup" video, but then quickly realizes he's made a grave error in even mentioning it. (I have made a conscious decision to never watch this video. Here is the Wikipedia description - warning on even the description. My husband made me stop talking when I tried to explain it to him.)
Clooney of course says he's up to seeing the worst video in the history of the Internet, and there's no going back from there. Jacobs should have known better, because when he asked Clooney if he went online he said he did and found that video of the monkey passing out from smelling his butt so funny:
Clooney's been pretty comfortable with all this so far. He's not easily thrown by his own fame or by the brutal assessments of the fame obsessed. But what about the larger dangers of the Web? I realize that I've spent a couple of hours showing Clooney sites about the Clooney, but I haven't asked him, Does he ever go on the Internet?
"I go on YouTube when somebody says to look something up," he answers. "There was one a few years ago that killed me. Look up 'monkey smells butt.'"
I type it in. Up pops a video of a chimp sticking his finger up his butt, smelling it, then promptly passing out.
Clooney roars with laughter. "He just smells it and goes wooo-ah and flops off to the side. That always kills me."
At this point, I make a segue that seemed relevant at the time, but in retrospect was probably a very bad idea. "You know," I tell him, "I asked the guy who does the Esquire Web site what I should show George Clooney, and he said 'Show him 2 Girls 1 Cup.'"
"What's thats?"
"It's the most disturbing video in the history of videos."
"Show it to me."
"Really? I don't know."
"I can take it," Clooney says. "I'm a grown-up. We're all grown-ups."
"It's scarring. It'll scar you forever."
"Is it long?" he asks.
"No," I tell him, "but it's so disturbing. I saw it once and can never get it out of my mind. I can't watch it again."
"I want to see it."
Well, he asked. After a bit of searching, I find the link. I click it.
After several seconds: "It's not so bad," he says.
Three seconds later: "Oh."
Another two seconds: "Oh, my GOD! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!"
Clooney puts his hand over his mouth like he's going to throw up. He bolts from his chair and walks out of the room.
[From Esquire, print edition, April, 2008]
Clooney's PR rep is in the room and then he insists on seeing the video too, saying he can watch it longer than Clooney did. He only lasted three seconds though, and Clooney laughs his ass off:
Clooney's longtime PR guy, Stan Rosenfeld, wants to know what the fuss is about. Clooney tells him he just watched the most repulsive video he's ever seen. Rosenfeld wants to see it.
"I want to go at least one second more than George."
"I've got to watch Stan watch it," Clooney says, recomposing himself. "It's like the rodeo - see how long you can last."
Rosenfeld lasts three full seconds before walking out.
Clooney, having regarded himself all morning, now just watches, doubled over with laughter.
[From Esquire, print edition, April, 2008]
If only these moments were captured on tape like all the other "2 Girls 1 Cup" reactions now available on YouTube. Clooney's reaction was pretty typical, but that doesn't make it any less hysterical. Monkeys smelling their butts pale in comparison to the pure humor of people gagging and covering their faces in horror.
Many thanks to Stacie for these scans.
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