I love me some Will Smith. I also love me some Will Smith movies. (Well, except for Hitch. Okay, Hitch and The Legend of Bagger Vance. Okay, Hitch, The Legend of Bagger Vance and Wild Wild West. My point is, I still watch Fresh Prince, okay?!) Anyhoo I'm sort of gagging over his new film Hancock. I mean have you seen the trailers? Now THOSE are some special effects! But what isn't having a special effect on me is the suit he wore to the Los Angeles premiere of the film. I mean did he keep that from the costume department of Bagger Vance? Where's his caddy then? I don't care what they say plaid is not rad. Especially full body plaid. Which leads me to Thomas Jane.
Really, Thomas Jane? Really? Were your overalls dirty so you decided to come to a Hollywood premiere dressed like a trucker? I get that it's not your movie and I get that you don't even have a cameo in it, but seriously is it too hard to tuck in a shirt and perhaps shave? I hope this lackadaisical attitude doesn't rear it's ugly head in his upcoming film Mutant Chronicles. (Which by the way BETTER be minimally enjoyable unlike The Mist.) Speaking of mist, thank you Charlize Theron for finally laying off the spray tanning. You look lovely. I don't get what black nail polish has to do with anything, but I'm gonna look beyond that because your make up looks fresh and appropriate and that necklace is perfect. I'm borderline on that gown, but I love the color and I get what you're going forunlike Valerie Bertinelli. This worries me. Valerie Bertinelli looks like Barbra Streisand's Mini-Me. Why is she wearing a drape? I mean seriously! I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Clothing should be draped, not drapes." This tells me she does not believe in her Jenny Craig'd fabulous body which really breaks my heart, because she looks amazing. I'm just sayin' I would think if she just lost 40 pounds and is a spokesperson for a weight loss program AND she's back on red carpets that she would be showin' it all off to get some new fabulous jobs aw, well. Maybe she's just taking it one day at a timeAnd that's just what Lisa Raye should be doing. I love the new hair (I actually have that same hair in a box in my closet), but what is up with that hot tranny mess of an ensemble? (Minus the sandals of course: LOVING THEM!) It's part bridesmaid, part summer teen and part tablecloth all in one!
As I look at it now it looks like this entire red carpet is a mess. Does Justine Bateman think she's still on the set of Satisfaction? Has Kevin James gone Gangsta Rapper on us? Is Minnie Driver about to break into a routine from Flashdance? Did Queen Latifah just happen to be doing her cardio down Hollywood Boulevard and made a wrong turn and ended up on the red carpet? Does Amanda Peet not realize her makeup is that of a cracked out rocker on a 10 day binge? Has Virginia Madsen FINALLY proved to us once and for all what really IS black and white and red all over?
(Sigh, I am exhausted)`
Special thanks go out to Jason Bateman for being the real hero of the red carpet of a superhero movie. He looks like a true star at an actual premiere for one of the summer's hottest films. Thank you Jasonand I miss Arrested Development more than you will ever know. (Is it true there's rumored to be an A.D. movie in '09? Please say yes, PLEASE!)
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